A year ago...

I was re-reading some old journals, and I came across this entry from December 7 of last year (my dad's birthday). I thought you guys would enjoy it in all its unedited glory. And the last part was IN MY JOURNAL, even though I had no idea yet what was about to unfold in the coming months...eerie:

Dear God,

I'm here at the Charleston Airport, waiting for my flight. It's supposed to leave in a half hour and I'm inspired to write.

Tihs weekend was such a blessing. First, it was magical - the women are all inspiring and...oop - boarding....

I'm back. The women. I was talking about the women. They are all at once, inspiring, engaging, intelligent, delightful. We chatted and talked nonstop, as the "token males" looked on. At one point, [someone] expressed concerns that if she laid bare her darker secrets, would the media backlash, the public rejection even, damage the shared vision? I leapt to my feet and imagined that The Howard Stern and Rush Limbaughs of the world were judging and criticizing us from Landon and Leslie's stone hearth. "Yeah? She did that. And she's still here to talk about it. She had the balls to share it with the world in the hopes that it might encourage someone else somewhere. I lived in my car. I was homeless for four months. I'm a f***ing drunk who's been graced with the willingness to be sober. But yeah, I'm a drunk. I go to AA. So what? You got something to say? So say it, you big-nosed bastard. What? What do you have to say? What? BRING IT. WHAT???"

They were pissing themselves, laughing. We had so many moments like that. Like yesterday morning, when I was out at 7 am with Leslie and Mary showing them my Dreambodies plyometric exercises. And as we did our jumping jacks, Leslie's huge black dog ws sniffing my crotch, then I suppose, deciding I was worthy of his affections, leapt up on his hind legs, his big, fat, heavy paws on my shoulders, as if saying "Dance with me!"

It was glorious. Running this morning, as the fog rolled in across th emarsh and the egrets too to the air, I thanked God for blessing me with understanding of my purpose - that it so aligns with my desires and my joy center. Then, as I drove along Route 17, toward the airport, the tears came. Gratitude washed over me and spilled down my cheeks as I said over and over, "Thank God. Thank God."

The day my father died
I swore I heard him say
Beloved, don't you cry for I'm not far away
Just keep your honesty
The truth shall set you free
And follow all your dreams
Of who you long to be
And if you believe in yourself
Then you don't need anything
or anybody else
And if you believe in your dreams
Then your dreams will come true
So believe in yourself
As I believe in you
And now I'm older
Though still his baby girl
And what he told that child
Was a secret of this world
There is magic in believing
It's the pathway to achieving
So wish on that star
Believe in who you are
Because it all begins with you
Cause if you believe in yourself
Then you don't need anything
or anybody else
And if you believe in your dreams
Then your dreams will come true
So believe in yourself
As I believe in you
Yes, believe in yourself
As I believe in you.

I didn't even realize I had written the final pieces of that song right after that weekend. Pretty powerful weekend it was, to bring that song back into my life and into the world. And now look at all it has become. So, thank you guys, for all that you have been in my life. Thank you guys, for all that you continue to be - shining examples of the power of what we can all become ... if we just believe.

Much love to you all, and Happy Holidays.