People Stuff -- by Robin Gorman Newman

(My son Seth (the blond) and a good friend of his.)


I'm a bit embarassed to share this experience with you, yet feel compelled to do so.

I am an email junkie. I admit it. I spend many hours/day at my computer (for better or worse), and then have a Blackberry at my constant disposal during my travels.

Yesterday, in my haste, I accidentally hit the wrong email address key. I knew it immediately after I sent it. It's everyone's email nightmare. Something didn't feel right, so I checked my sent box....and sure enough. A note that was meant for my husband got sent to the very person I was writing about....and what I said wasn't the most flattering. What is the likelihood of that? Both their email addresses start with "m"...but still...I can only surmise it was meant to be to perhaps clear the air.

What I wrote wasn't awful...just awkward. It had to do with tickets to Disney on Ice that I was looking to offer moms in MotherhoodLater.com, but since there weren't any takers, I was contemplating offering them to friends in New York or New Jersey. I wrote to my husband asking his opinion about how to handle it and what friends I might offer it to. And, then I mentioned this particular person who is the mom of one of my son's close friends in Kindergarten. And, I wrote "not that she's the greatest friend."

Truth is...I wrote the truth. She isn't. I was being honest. But, did I want her to know I was thinking that? Did she need to read that?

So, I quickly called her up...she had actually coincidentally left a message earlier in the day re: my son's school, but I missed the call. Since she didn't answer her cell or home phone, I decided to respond further via email. I felt the need to nip the situation in the bud.

I wrote her a note offering her the Disney tickets and apologized for my reference in the email, explaining it was sent in error to her. But, then I also went on to say that in fact, I was disappointed and had hoped we could become real friends, but that I was let down when on more than one occasion she told us that she and her son were busy, yet she went on to make plans with other moms. I knew this because we ran into her at a couple of events, and another mutual mom of a child in my son's class mentioned that she had heard from her. This was hurtful to me.

We spoke briefly this morning and she said she wouldn't be taking the tickets, and she didn't reference the email. She is supposed to call me back later to see if a cousin of hers would like the tickets, and I'm curious to see if she will then bring up my comment. I'm not holding my breath.

This all got me thinking. On one hand I felt badly. On the other hand, I was happy for my candor with her.

A friend of mine at the gym, who I shared the situation with, said that when her kids were little, she didn't try to befriend moms on a personal level for herself. She pretty much kept it to scheduling playdates for her girls and being cordial to the moms.

This is hard for me. I'm not a superficial person, though I'm quickly realizing you can't be friends with everyone.

And, this further got me contemplating the notion of "people stuff."

It's so easy to clutter up your life with possessions, negative thoughts, etc...but what about people? There's only so many hours in the day to maintain real, meaningful relationships, and this holds true for both friends and family. I am totally open to attracting new cool people, but you have to make room.

In the last few months or more, a few friendships have diminished, and we're no longer in touch. It was hard to accept at first, but then I realized that as people grow and change, so does the law of attraction. It can be hard to let go, especially when there is history between you, but people's needs change. Schedules change. And, we can't always be there as we once were, and if someone isn't accepting of that, then the friendship might not really serve either of you anymore. Maybe someone was used to your playing a certain role for them...perhaps as an enabler...for example. And, what if it's now occurred to you that that was largely the basis of your connection, and you don't want to go there anymore? Then, it's understandable that you might have to let go. And, it could be for both of your ultimate gain, though at the moment, it might not feel that way.

I share all this because it takes courage to let go, and faith to know that new people will come into your life if you invite them. Maybe not immediately, but when they're meant to. And, this holds true whether for friends or romantic partners. (I work as a love coach for singles, so I know this has been the case for clients of mine.)

Have you had friends come 'n go in your life that you didn't expect? How did it feel to let them go, whether it was mutual or not?