(me and my dad)
The holidays always bring up "stuff" for me. Starting with Thanksgiving until New Year's.
My beloved mom passed away 1/3/98, and it's never been the same without her. Hard to believe it will be over 10 years in 2009 since she is gone.
Growing up as a kid, my mom would spend considerable time preparing holiday meals. I'm not sure, quite honestly, if she loved cooking, but it was tradition. And, it's a memory I'll forever preserve.
I remember well her stuffing. She made it with matzoh, which always felt like it was her secret ingredient. And, she had a "famous" pumpkin bread. My husband has since assumed the tradition of making it, and it means a great deal to me. He has taken certain creative liberties with it, and mixes up the types of chocolate chips used. Dark, milk and white. One year he even baked it with M&Ms, and my mom would have been proud to see him paying tribute to her in such a festive way.
Earlier this week, my husband baked a bunch of loaves...he brought one to work...and gave others to my dad, who is so grateful. My son helped by tossing the chips into the batter...munching on a few as he went along. He was so sweet, literally, to see them team up. It was as of my mom was looking down on them and smiling.
One of the challenges I face with the holidays is the emotional "stuff" it brings up for me due to the loss of my mom. And, on top of that, my sister and her family are away for Thanksgiving, and my husband's brother and his family made plans with friends, so I don't feel enveloped by those I grew up with, other than my dad. So, we'll have a low key celebration here with my father and Marc's mother (his dad passed away).
I have to admit, though, that I do get some pangs of jealousy when I hear of others having major family gatherings. I wonder what that is like. Do they take it for granted? Do they enjoy, or is it a chore to them? Does it feel special?
I don't have any cousins, aunts, etc. sadly, who I am close with. So, inviting extended family is not a viable or appealing option.
One of my friends said to me that I should work on creating new tradition. So, I reached out to one friend to see what they are doing for the holiday, and they, too, are going away. Others already have commitments, and I don't feel inclined to have just anyone over for the sake of it. It is a lot of work...all the setup, preparation, etc.
But, I do endeavor to get together with friends in the future for celebrations. I've always thought it would be so nice to be invited somewhere, but that doesn't often happen. My sister never makes a holiday (or birthday) meal (it's not her thing to have people over), and my brother and sister in law are often away with their three kids since they play sports. They have invited us for the Jewish holidays in the past.
So, I try to be strong, and not let all my sentimental "stuff" get the better of me this time of the year. It can be bittersweet, but I'm grateful to have my own family and to create memories for my son that he will always cherish, as I did growing up.
Do you find that the holidays open wounds for you? How do you deal with it? Do you endeavor to create new tradition for yourself and/or your family?
No comments:
Post a Comment