Cold Stuff - by Robin

Had I known, I would have bought stock in Kleenex (the tissue company). Or, Lipton tea.

Just kidding....(or maybe I should explore it? Hmmmm....)

I'm referring to what feels like the longest running cold/virus in history. I have it. I've been drinking tea and blowing my nose for what feels like forever. And, I'm not alone. I know a number of people who are sick and having trouble shaking the various viral strains going around this winter. What fun!

I've been plagued with this for over a month now, and finally bit the bullet at the urging of two friends, and saw the ENT doctor who after gliding some tube down my nostril (not pleasant) , said something about a second set of tonsils I have. Who knew?! I had my first set out as a kid, I told him, thinking he was making some kind of mistake. He wasn't.....

Luckily he wasn't suggesting these come out, but I did require anbitiotic. Today is day 5..the final day...and I'll be glad to be done with it. It upset my stomach.

In general I'm still not feeling great. And, it's also that time of the month (if you know what I mean)...so it's like I've been hit with a double whammy, so to speak. It feels like so long since I've felt really good.

Yesterday it was getting me in a bit of a funk. I was missing my mom, since I was craving some nurturing. A couple of friends gave me a buzz, which was nice, and it felt like a "hug" on the phone, which I needed. I was feeling vulnerable and wanted to just curl up in bed.

I know "this too shall pass" (thankfully), as my beloved mom used to say, but I'm getting anxious.

I watched the Barbara Walters tv special the other night that focused on Patrick Swayze, the actor, and the fight of his life with pancreatic cancer. It was a tough thing to see before going to bed, and I probably shouldn't have, but it made me realize how important good health is and how we should try to practice it every day to the best of our ability. Sickness may still strike, but for example, Swayze is a smoker, and they said there is a link to pancreatic cancer from smoking.

We all have our vices, I realize, but we can try to help ourselves.

That said, I'm going to end this blog post, and go take my vitamins and drink more tea before my day gets away from me and I don't do it. It's so easy to get caught up in life. If we don't practice self care, it won't happen for us. So go to it! (I need another tissue.....) :)

Holiday Stuff - by Robin Gorman Newman

(me and my dad)

The holidays always bring up "stuff" for me. Starting with Thanksgiving until New Year's.

My beloved mom passed away 1/3/98, and it's never been the same without her. Hard to believe it will be over 10 years in 2009 since she is gone.

Growing up as a kid, my mom would spend considerable time preparing holiday meals. I'm not sure, quite honestly, if she loved cooking, but it was tradition. And, it's a memory I'll forever preserve.

I remember well her stuffing. She made it with matzoh, which always felt like it was her secret ingredient. And, she had a "famous" pumpkin bread. My husband has since assumed the tradition of making it, and it means a great deal to me. He has taken certain creative liberties with it, and mixes up the types of chocolate chips used. Dark, milk and white. One year he even baked it with M&Ms, and my mom would have been proud to see him paying tribute to her in such a festive way.

Earlier this week, my husband baked a bunch of loaves...he brought one to work...and gave others to my dad, who is so grateful. My son helped by tossing the chips into the batter...munching on a few as he went along. He was so sweet, literally, to see them team up. It was as of my mom was looking down on them and smiling.

One of the challenges I face with the holidays is the emotional "stuff" it brings up for me due to the loss of my mom. And, on top of that, my sister and her family are away for Thanksgiving, and my husband's brother and his family made plans with friends, so I don't feel enveloped by those I grew up with, other than my dad. So, we'll have a low key celebration here with my father and Marc's mother (his dad passed away).

I have to admit, though, that I do get some pangs of jealousy when I hear of others having major family gatherings. I wonder what that is like. Do they take it for granted? Do they enjoy, or is it a chore to them? Does it feel special?

I don't have any cousins, aunts, etc. sadly, who I am close with. So, inviting extended family is not a viable or appealing option.

One of my friends said to me that I should work on creating new tradition. So, I reached out to one friend to see what they are doing for the holiday, and they, too, are going away. Others already have commitments, and I don't feel inclined to have just anyone over for the sake of it. It is a lot of work...all the setup, preparation, etc.

But, I do endeavor to get together with friends in the future for celebrations. I've always thought it would be so nice to be invited somewhere, but that doesn't often happen. My sister never makes a holiday (or birthday) meal (it's not her thing to have people over), and my brother and sister in law are often away with their three kids since they play sports. They have invited us for the Jewish holidays in the past.

So, I try to be strong, and not let all my sentimental "stuff" get the better of me this time of the year. It can be bittersweet, but I'm grateful to have my own family and to create memories for my son that he will always cherish, as I did growing up.

Do you find that the holidays open wounds for you? How do you deal with it? Do you endeavor to create new tradition for yourself and/or your family?

You Can Get Beyond the Stuff

Let me begin by introducing myself. I am a native New Yorker, living on Long Island (though I'm from Queens), and I'm a 40 something mom to a five year old boy who I adore. I'm the author of How to Meet a Mensch in NY and How to Marry a Mensch (decent person), and as such, I married my Mr. Right Mensch 15 years ago, and now offer strategic socializing advice to those aspiring to do the same.

I am also the founder of Motherhood Later...Than Sooner, the only on and offline resource/community in the U.S. for those parenting later in life. I became a mom at 42, and I feel like a poster child for the sandwich generation, with a Kindergarten student and senior dad (I lost my mom 10 years ago). Being a caretaker has its own challenges.

I love to connect and inspire people, whether single, "later" moms, enterprising women (I also launched a non profit networking group for women in NY), etc. I am happiest when I am giving back, and I don't mean monetarily. But, rather by offering support that cannot be measured. I pride myself on really being there for my friends, family, clients, readers, and hope to now share with you....the Beyond the Stuff community.

I am thrilled, and feel very priviledged, to be a Beyond the Stuff gal. My counterparts in this blog and overall venture, are such unique powerhouses in so many ways. We are connected and share certain life experiences and vision. Yet, we each have a distinctive voice with our own journeys to tell. We hope you will tune in, and share with us what is happening in your life.

As for me right now, I returned earlier this week from Canyon Ranch in Tucson. I was invited to speak there re: my books, and I stayed on a bit to vacation. Let me just say (and they're not paying me to endorse them), that Canyon Ranch is a really special experience. I actually found it life-altering on more levels than I anticipated. And, this leads me to the notion of Beyond the Stuff.

We all have it. What is it? The "stuff" we collect. The "stuff" we tell ourselves, whether true or not. The "stuff" others say. I could go on 'n on. You know what I mean.

Spending some alone time (I went by myself) at a place like Canyon Ranch, opened up an emotional well for me. Here I was with a rare opportunity to chill solo, and I'm crying on more than one occasion. This visit touched a nerve...a BIG one. I went with the intent on working on some specific things, i.e. weight loss, and my back (I have minor scoliosis), and I emerged feeling that I do have the ability to take some control. I have gained weight since becoming a mom (though my son is adopted), and I now have greater portion/calorie and cardio exercise understanding so I can get to work seriously on the extra pounds. I also learned a way of exercising my back daily (McKenzie Technique) that can give me some relief.

I connected with some cool women who made me feel welcome. It was a bit of a challenge for me to be traveling alone, but I didn't have any friends who could accompany me at this time, and my husband isn't a spa fan. Once there, I proved I was able to handle it, and because I was alone, it led me to reach out to others more than I might have, and I'm glad for those I met in the process. I was out of my comfort zone for the better.

I've never been a fan of exercise classes, but I took them, and proved that they can be fun and I don't need to compare myself to other fitness buffs in the class. I've learned that just because someone looks great on the outside, doesn't mean they are content inside. During one particular workshop at Canyon Ranch, a self-confessed athlete shared her story of being raised in a family of high athletic achievers, and how it comes naturally to all of them, and how she's never had a weight problem. I listened in awe...what is that like? I wondered. But, then, she went on to say how a year ago she actually lost 13lbs off her already very petite, tight, trim frame, because she wanted to disappear. Wow! Who would have thought looking at her that she didn't have high self esteem.

In general, my mind was opened, and I feel like it has hopefully helped me get on the path to some empowering life change and beliefs.

Getting Beyong the Stuff is so critical, so we can embrace and enjoy our time. We all deserve that. Daily routines so easily take over, and stagnation can set in. So much in life we talk ourselves into, but we can rise above.

So, step out of your comfort zone. Spend some quiet alone time....even if brief. Try new things. Believe in yourself. Embrace others (they may need it more than you know). And, tell us about it.

Have you had any life altering travel experiences that led to greater understanding and happiness for you? Do you have "stuff" you want to rid yourself of? Would love to hear your stories.