A Different Approach to Thanksgiving - Good Stuff! - by Liimu McGill

This year, I decided to really pay attention to how I was feeling as invitations were flying around for Thanksgiving. My family is pretty spread out; I have one sister who lives 10 minutes away, and she had already committed to spending the holiday hosting her husband's 15-plus family members up from Virginia. My goal in any situation is to just let the Universe guide and direct how things go. That's how things usually end up turning out according the best Plan, the Divine Plan. So, that's what I went with this year.

My mother, who lives in North Carolina, usually comes up a couple weeks before or after Thanksgiving, to avoid having to pay the astronomical fares reserved for the holiday week. This year, she was scheduled to come up in early November, until she found out she had perforated her eardrum. She was nervous about flying and decided that she would come up for Thanksgiving, after all. Since my sister was hosting so much of her husband's family already, I offered to host and invited my mother-in-law and sister-in-law to join us. At the last minute, my mother got the green light from her doctor to fly up earlier in November, as planned, so I was left with hosting Thanksgiving, even though I had originally not intended to. I'm not yet at the place where I enjoy cooking, and I don't have others to help me, as my sister-in-law and mother-in-law usually arrive right in time for dinner.

Mentally checking it off my To Do list, I went to Whole Foods and pretty much ordered one of everything. Still, I dreaded even having to heat it up. I don't know where this Bah Humbug-ness was coming from, but I was keenly aware of it bubbling up every time I thought of the holiday that was materializing. I have Stuff - Stuff around food, Stuff around holidays, Stuff around having a To Do list packed with way to many things To Do in any given day. So, when the thought was planted in my head by the Universe that maybe this wasn't the way the Holiday had to go, I was all ears.

"Maybe you could just go OUT to dinner..."

Whoa. What's that? Now that's an interesting proposition. While I was ruminating on the possibility, my sister-in-law called to say that her mom had taken ill and probably wouldn't be up to coming for dinner. "What would you say to going out for dinner?" I asked her. "Sounds good to me," she replied, without hesitating. My husband had essentially the same reaction.

After a quick scan of the Internet to find the best kid-friendly restaurant in Philadelphia, Bridget Foy's, we were set with a reservation for 6 at 5:30. The girls got new dresses, we all got to eat wonderful food (and didn't have to worry about cooking it or cleaning up) and I am back on my abstinent food plan, skyrocketing toward my goal of losing 45 pounds by my next birthday. (See my Recreating Liimu blog for more information about that journey.)

Last night, as my husband and I were putting away the groceries, he said to me, "You know, this was a perfect holiday. We saw my family for a little bit, saw your family for a little bit, but really didn't overdo it. It was great."

My thoughts exactly.

Holiday Stuff - by Robin Gorman Newman

(me and my dad)

The holidays always bring up "stuff" for me. Starting with Thanksgiving until New Year's.

My beloved mom passed away 1/3/98, and it's never been the same without her. Hard to believe it will be over 10 years in 2009 since she is gone.

Growing up as a kid, my mom would spend considerable time preparing holiday meals. I'm not sure, quite honestly, if she loved cooking, but it was tradition. And, it's a memory I'll forever preserve.

I remember well her stuffing. She made it with matzoh, which always felt like it was her secret ingredient. And, she had a "famous" pumpkin bread. My husband has since assumed the tradition of making it, and it means a great deal to me. He has taken certain creative liberties with it, and mixes up the types of chocolate chips used. Dark, milk and white. One year he even baked it with M&Ms, and my mom would have been proud to see him paying tribute to her in such a festive way.

Earlier this week, my husband baked a bunch of loaves...he brought one to work...and gave others to my dad, who is so grateful. My son helped by tossing the chips into the batter...munching on a few as he went along. He was so sweet, literally, to see them team up. It was as of my mom was looking down on them and smiling.

One of the challenges I face with the holidays is the emotional "stuff" it brings up for me due to the loss of my mom. And, on top of that, my sister and her family are away for Thanksgiving, and my husband's brother and his family made plans with friends, so I don't feel enveloped by those I grew up with, other than my dad. So, we'll have a low key celebration here with my father and Marc's mother (his dad passed away).

I have to admit, though, that I do get some pangs of jealousy when I hear of others having major family gatherings. I wonder what that is like. Do they take it for granted? Do they enjoy, or is it a chore to them? Does it feel special?

I don't have any cousins, aunts, etc. sadly, who I am close with. So, inviting extended family is not a viable or appealing option.

One of my friends said to me that I should work on creating new tradition. So, I reached out to one friend to see what they are doing for the holiday, and they, too, are going away. Others already have commitments, and I don't feel inclined to have just anyone over for the sake of it. It is a lot of work...all the setup, preparation, etc.

But, I do endeavor to get together with friends in the future for celebrations. I've always thought it would be so nice to be invited somewhere, but that doesn't often happen. My sister never makes a holiday (or birthday) meal (it's not her thing to have people over), and my brother and sister in law are often away with their three kids since they play sports. They have invited us for the Jewish holidays in the past.

So, I try to be strong, and not let all my sentimental "stuff" get the better of me this time of the year. It can be bittersweet, but I'm grateful to have my own family and to create memories for my son that he will always cherish, as I did growing up.

Do you find that the holidays open wounds for you? How do you deal with it? Do you endeavor to create new tradition for yourself and/or your family?