Flying By the Seat of Your Pants Stuff - By Robin

I live in NY, and had planned to blog about "seasonal stuff", which I may do at a later date.

After what happened here yesterday, I feel the need to switch gears.

A plane enroute to Charlotte from NY, US Airways, made an emergency landing in the Hudson River when a flock of birds hit the plane and caused severe engine trouble. I'm sure you heard about it on the news.

There were over 150 people on the plane, and no casualities resulted. The pilot is being heralded as a hero, and indeed he is.

Can you imagine how it must have felt being a passenger on that plane? I can't....I would have had my heart in my mouth.

When we had our recent Beyond the Stuff offsite meeting in South Carolina, I, in fact, flew on a US Airways flight to Charlotte. That could have been me on that plane.

How would I have reacted?

It's been getting huge television coverage here in NY, and probably worldwide. The glowingly positive end result is truly a miracle.

The pilot had decades of training behind him and immense skill to save all those lives. How do you thank someone for doing that? No doubt all survivors are celebrating big time, when it could have been so easily the opposite.

Life can sure be fragile.

But, where do you go from here? I'm curious to know how the passengers will feel about flying again? Not that I'm saying they should be scared or concerned. But, it can get you thinking.

A girl in my gym came in last night seriously rattled because she has an upcoming trip where she planned to fly, and now she doesn't want to go. She is supposed to go with her husband, and possibly children, but she feels like she wants to bail out. She doesn't want to project her fears on them, but she is insecure at the moment. It's interesting because she is a doctor, involved intimately on a daily basis with people's bodies and lives, and that doesn't phase her. Maybe it's a matter of control? She can control her actions in the operating room, but she's not a pilot. Anyone who flies places their life in the hands of the plane's pilot. And, we don't even get to meet him/her. Think about that. Would we have a doctor operate on us without meeting them, unless we were unconscious and it was an emergency?

Hmmmm......

This goes to show that much of what we do in life...decisions we make.....paths we follow....etc....are a true leap of faith. We can trust our guts to guide us, but we sometimes have to let go out of the outcome. We give our faith over to those who services we need to take care as best they can. And, that's all we can do under certain circumstances.

I'm just so happy for all the survivors of this plane incident. And, pray that after further investigation, they'll come up with a method of "bird control" so that perhaps this might be avoided in the future.

People Stuff -- by Robin Gorman Newman

(My son Seth (the blond) and a good friend of his.)


I'm a bit embarassed to share this experience with you, yet feel compelled to do so.

I am an email junkie. I admit it. I spend many hours/day at my computer (for better or worse), and then have a Blackberry at my constant disposal during my travels.

Yesterday, in my haste, I accidentally hit the wrong email address key. I knew it immediately after I sent it. It's everyone's email nightmare. Something didn't feel right, so I checked my sent box....and sure enough. A note that was meant for my husband got sent to the very person I was writing about....and what I said wasn't the most flattering. What is the likelihood of that? Both their email addresses start with "m"...but still...I can only surmise it was meant to be to perhaps clear the air.

What I wrote wasn't awful...just awkward. It had to do with tickets to Disney on Ice that I was looking to offer moms in MotherhoodLater.com, but since there weren't any takers, I was contemplating offering them to friends in New York or New Jersey. I wrote to my husband asking his opinion about how to handle it and what friends I might offer it to. And, then I mentioned this particular person who is the mom of one of my son's close friends in Kindergarten. And, I wrote "not that she's the greatest friend."

Truth is...I wrote the truth. She isn't. I was being honest. But, did I want her to know I was thinking that? Did she need to read that?

So, I quickly called her up...she had actually coincidentally left a message earlier in the day re: my son's school, but I missed the call. Since she didn't answer her cell or home phone, I decided to respond further via email. I felt the need to nip the situation in the bud.

I wrote her a note offering her the Disney tickets and apologized for my reference in the email, explaining it was sent in error to her. But, then I also went on to say that in fact, I was disappointed and had hoped we could become real friends, but that I was let down when on more than one occasion she told us that she and her son were busy, yet she went on to make plans with other moms. I knew this because we ran into her at a couple of events, and another mutual mom of a child in my son's class mentioned that she had heard from her. This was hurtful to me.

We spoke briefly this morning and she said she wouldn't be taking the tickets, and she didn't reference the email. She is supposed to call me back later to see if a cousin of hers would like the tickets, and I'm curious to see if she will then bring up my comment. I'm not holding my breath.

This all got me thinking. On one hand I felt badly. On the other hand, I was happy for my candor with her.

A friend of mine at the gym, who I shared the situation with, said that when her kids were little, she didn't try to befriend moms on a personal level for herself. She pretty much kept it to scheduling playdates for her girls and being cordial to the moms.

This is hard for me. I'm not a superficial person, though I'm quickly realizing you can't be friends with everyone.

And, this further got me contemplating the notion of "people stuff."

It's so easy to clutter up your life with possessions, negative thoughts, etc...but what about people? There's only so many hours in the day to maintain real, meaningful relationships, and this holds true for both friends and family. I am totally open to attracting new cool people, but you have to make room.

In the last few months or more, a few friendships have diminished, and we're no longer in touch. It was hard to accept at first, but then I realized that as people grow and change, so does the law of attraction. It can be hard to let go, especially when there is history between you, but people's needs change. Schedules change. And, we can't always be there as we once were, and if someone isn't accepting of that, then the friendship might not really serve either of you anymore. Maybe someone was used to your playing a certain role for them...perhaps as an enabler...for example. And, what if it's now occurred to you that that was largely the basis of your connection, and you don't want to go there anymore? Then, it's understandable that you might have to let go. And, it could be for both of your ultimate gain, though at the moment, it might not feel that way.

I share all this because it takes courage to let go, and faith to know that new people will come into your life if you invite them. Maybe not immediately, but when they're meant to. And, this holds true whether for friends or romantic partners. (I work as a love coach for singles, so I know this has been the case for clients of mine.)

Have you had friends come 'n go in your life that you didn't expect? How did it feel to let them go, whether it was mutual or not?

You Can Get Beyond the Stuff

Let me begin by introducing myself. I am a native New Yorker, living on Long Island (though I'm from Queens), and I'm a 40 something mom to a five year old boy who I adore. I'm the author of How to Meet a Mensch in NY and How to Marry a Mensch (decent person), and as such, I married my Mr. Right Mensch 15 years ago, and now offer strategic socializing advice to those aspiring to do the same.

I am also the founder of Motherhood Later...Than Sooner, the only on and offline resource/community in the U.S. for those parenting later in life. I became a mom at 42, and I feel like a poster child for the sandwich generation, with a Kindergarten student and senior dad (I lost my mom 10 years ago). Being a caretaker has its own challenges.

I love to connect and inspire people, whether single, "later" moms, enterprising women (I also launched a non profit networking group for women in NY), etc. I am happiest when I am giving back, and I don't mean monetarily. But, rather by offering support that cannot be measured. I pride myself on really being there for my friends, family, clients, readers, and hope to now share with you....the Beyond the Stuff community.

I am thrilled, and feel very priviledged, to be a Beyond the Stuff gal. My counterparts in this blog and overall venture, are such unique powerhouses in so many ways. We are connected and share certain life experiences and vision. Yet, we each have a distinctive voice with our own journeys to tell. We hope you will tune in, and share with us what is happening in your life.

As for me right now, I returned earlier this week from Canyon Ranch in Tucson. I was invited to speak there re: my books, and I stayed on a bit to vacation. Let me just say (and they're not paying me to endorse them), that Canyon Ranch is a really special experience. I actually found it life-altering on more levels than I anticipated. And, this leads me to the notion of Beyond the Stuff.

We all have it. What is it? The "stuff" we collect. The "stuff" we tell ourselves, whether true or not. The "stuff" others say. I could go on 'n on. You know what I mean.

Spending some alone time (I went by myself) at a place like Canyon Ranch, opened up an emotional well for me. Here I was with a rare opportunity to chill solo, and I'm crying on more than one occasion. This visit touched a nerve...a BIG one. I went with the intent on working on some specific things, i.e. weight loss, and my back (I have minor scoliosis), and I emerged feeling that I do have the ability to take some control. I have gained weight since becoming a mom (though my son is adopted), and I now have greater portion/calorie and cardio exercise understanding so I can get to work seriously on the extra pounds. I also learned a way of exercising my back daily (McKenzie Technique) that can give me some relief.

I connected with some cool women who made me feel welcome. It was a bit of a challenge for me to be traveling alone, but I didn't have any friends who could accompany me at this time, and my husband isn't a spa fan. Once there, I proved I was able to handle it, and because I was alone, it led me to reach out to others more than I might have, and I'm glad for those I met in the process. I was out of my comfort zone for the better.

I've never been a fan of exercise classes, but I took them, and proved that they can be fun and I don't need to compare myself to other fitness buffs in the class. I've learned that just because someone looks great on the outside, doesn't mean they are content inside. During one particular workshop at Canyon Ranch, a self-confessed athlete shared her story of being raised in a family of high athletic achievers, and how it comes naturally to all of them, and how she's never had a weight problem. I listened in awe...what is that like? I wondered. But, then, she went on to say how a year ago she actually lost 13lbs off her already very petite, tight, trim frame, because she wanted to disappear. Wow! Who would have thought looking at her that she didn't have high self esteem.

In general, my mind was opened, and I feel like it has hopefully helped me get on the path to some empowering life change and beliefs.

Getting Beyong the Stuff is so critical, so we can embrace and enjoy our time. We all deserve that. Daily routines so easily take over, and stagnation can set in. So much in life we talk ourselves into, but we can rise above.

So, step out of your comfort zone. Spend some quiet alone time....even if brief. Try new things. Believe in yourself. Embrace others (they may need it more than you know). And, tell us about it.

Have you had any life altering travel experiences that led to greater understanding and happiness for you? Do you have "stuff" you want to rid yourself of? Would love to hear your stories.