And then there were five...

I guess I'm the baby in the group - at 38 and with three small children, 2, 4, and 6, I find myself most frequently amazed that I am able to continue to get Beyond the Stuff to what matters in my life. With three small children, a thriving marriage, a new business and an active Recovery life (where I sponsor people and rely on a Sponsor for direction in my life), I barely have time to THINK about Stuff, let alone get caught up in it. And yet, I find the time.

But back to me. I guess my defining moment occurred when I was about to turn 25 years old and graduate from college with a degree in English. I was a bit of a party girl (and had been for more than ten years) but didn't realize that I also had a genetic predisposition for having a mental breakdown. The combination of the supreme level of stress I generally operate under and the recreational drug use I was engaging in on a somewhat regular basis was (as a medical professional has since explained it) akin to my head being a ticking time bomb that I was shaking up vigorously on a nearly daily basis. Eventually it blew, and I ended up in the campus nuthouse for more than a month, followed by another month in rehab. I had no money, and no insurance, so I ended up in a state-run program with mostly folks who had been sent there right from jail. For the first year I was out, I stayed on the straight and narrow for no other reason than that I was afraid to end up back in that Hell hole (the very same Hell hole that saved my life, I might affectionately add).

Recovery changed my life. It absolutely changed everything for me. I went from a lost, confused, wandering soul with tons of potential to a lump of moldable clay overnight. It was very uncomfortable at first, just being a shapeless lump of clay. But as my relationship with my Higher Power developed and as I began to listen to and follow the direction of people in the Program, my life and I began to take shape. I learned how to discern my Path and how to follow it. And then things really began to get interesting.

I met my husband, Glen, in 1998 when I auditioned to be a lead singer for a wedding band (I thought I was going to find a spot to do karaoke - who knew I would be signing up for a real band gig!?!). Glen was the guitar player and he didn't pay me any attention for the first 6 months. But over time, we got to know each other and realized that we had the same goofy sense of humor and that we really complemented each other - he was straight where I was curvy, and I dreamed big while he kept me firmly grounded in reality.

We now live in a suburb of Philadelphia and have three daughters - 2, 4 and 6. (We have been married for 7 years. You do the math.) Our life is relatively Americana, but as I said, Glen is the anchor and the rock that gives me the strength to take chances and mix things up. Back in 2005 before getting pregnant with our third daughter, I decided I wanted to take up running. At the end of that year, I found myself running a marathon. (In 5 hrs 25 minutes, I might add - take THAT, Katie Holmes!)

Following that experience, I was desperate to continue running and to share my experience with other moms who might be struggling to reclaim their sense of themselves and even to have the courage to redefine themselves as athletes. I decided to join a Moms group for runners and came across Moms in Motion, but they didn't have a Philadelphia chapter. Since 2006, I have been the Team Leader of the Philadelphia chapter of Moms in Motion. We do some pretty cool stuff, including philanthropic work in support of causes like Mommy's Light, an organization that helps children who have lost their moms continue the traditions they shared. Of course we also race in events like the Race for the Cure, raising funds for breast cancer research. In addition, we have some really cool speakers, like Kristen Dandar Hallowell, who came and showed us strength training exercises we can do on the playground while our kids are playing, or Susan Sabin, who showed us how to teach our kids to meditate and how to meditate ourselves.

I'm probably most well known (and certainly most recently known) for my performance last year on the NBC hit "Clash of the Choirs," as a featured soloist in Patti Labelle's "Boom Boom" Choir. (Click here to view the video.) This continues to be one of the most incredible gifts of leading an open, God-directed life. Just last weekend, I was blessed to have been asked to sing with the choir and Miss Patti on her Christmas special, and was even asked to solo again on one of her Christmas songs (we all were). I'll be sure to post that video when it comes out.

Anyway, that's me. I have an interesting and full life. I didn't even get to really talk about what I do for a living. So funny, because in our culture that's usually the first thing anyone talks about when they are asked to introduce themselves. I have a great career. I own my own successful and lucrative training design and development company. I am very happy and hope that my clients are, as well. But I'm even happier to say that what I do is not who I am. Truth is, I'm figuring that one out with each passing day and all I can tell you is that it keeps getting better.

So be sure to stay tuned.

Exciting things happen...Beyond the Stuff.

You Can Get Beyond the Stuff

Let me begin by introducing myself. I am a native New Yorker, living on Long Island (though I'm from Queens), and I'm a 40 something mom to a five year old boy who I adore. I'm the author of How to Meet a Mensch in NY and How to Marry a Mensch (decent person), and as such, I married my Mr. Right Mensch 15 years ago, and now offer strategic socializing advice to those aspiring to do the same.

I am also the founder of Motherhood Later...Than Sooner, the only on and offline resource/community in the U.S. for those parenting later in life. I became a mom at 42, and I feel like a poster child for the sandwich generation, with a Kindergarten student and senior dad (I lost my mom 10 years ago). Being a caretaker has its own challenges.

I love to connect and inspire people, whether single, "later" moms, enterprising women (I also launched a non profit networking group for women in NY), etc. I am happiest when I am giving back, and I don't mean monetarily. But, rather by offering support that cannot be measured. I pride myself on really being there for my friends, family, clients, readers, and hope to now share with you....the Beyond the Stuff community.

I am thrilled, and feel very priviledged, to be a Beyond the Stuff gal. My counterparts in this blog and overall venture, are such unique powerhouses in so many ways. We are connected and share certain life experiences and vision. Yet, we each have a distinctive voice with our own journeys to tell. We hope you will tune in, and share with us what is happening in your life.

As for me right now, I returned earlier this week from Canyon Ranch in Tucson. I was invited to speak there re: my books, and I stayed on a bit to vacation. Let me just say (and they're not paying me to endorse them), that Canyon Ranch is a really special experience. I actually found it life-altering on more levels than I anticipated. And, this leads me to the notion of Beyond the Stuff.

We all have it. What is it? The "stuff" we collect. The "stuff" we tell ourselves, whether true or not. The "stuff" others say. I could go on 'n on. You know what I mean.

Spending some alone time (I went by myself) at a place like Canyon Ranch, opened up an emotional well for me. Here I was with a rare opportunity to chill solo, and I'm crying on more than one occasion. This visit touched a nerve...a BIG one. I went with the intent on working on some specific things, i.e. weight loss, and my back (I have minor scoliosis), and I emerged feeling that I do have the ability to take some control. I have gained weight since becoming a mom (though my son is adopted), and I now have greater portion/calorie and cardio exercise understanding so I can get to work seriously on the extra pounds. I also learned a way of exercising my back daily (McKenzie Technique) that can give me some relief.

I connected with some cool women who made me feel welcome. It was a bit of a challenge for me to be traveling alone, but I didn't have any friends who could accompany me at this time, and my husband isn't a spa fan. Once there, I proved I was able to handle it, and because I was alone, it led me to reach out to others more than I might have, and I'm glad for those I met in the process. I was out of my comfort zone for the better.

I've never been a fan of exercise classes, but I took them, and proved that they can be fun and I don't need to compare myself to other fitness buffs in the class. I've learned that just because someone looks great on the outside, doesn't mean they are content inside. During one particular workshop at Canyon Ranch, a self-confessed athlete shared her story of being raised in a family of high athletic achievers, and how it comes naturally to all of them, and how she's never had a weight problem. I listened in awe...what is that like? I wondered. But, then, she went on to say how a year ago she actually lost 13lbs off her already very petite, tight, trim frame, because she wanted to disappear. Wow! Who would have thought looking at her that she didn't have high self esteem.

In general, my mind was opened, and I feel like it has hopefully helped me get on the path to some empowering life change and beliefs.

Getting Beyong the Stuff is so critical, so we can embrace and enjoy our time. We all deserve that. Daily routines so easily take over, and stagnation can set in. So much in life we talk ourselves into, but we can rise above.

So, step out of your comfort zone. Spend some quiet alone time....even if brief. Try new things. Believe in yourself. Embrace others (they may need it more than you know). And, tell us about it.

Have you had any life altering travel experiences that led to greater understanding and happiness for you? Do you have "stuff" you want to rid yourself of? Would love to hear your stories.