Holiday Stuff - by Robin Gorman Newman

(me and my dad)

The holidays always bring up "stuff" for me. Starting with Thanksgiving until New Year's.

My beloved mom passed away 1/3/98, and it's never been the same without her. Hard to believe it will be over 10 years in 2009 since she is gone.

Growing up as a kid, my mom would spend considerable time preparing holiday meals. I'm not sure, quite honestly, if she loved cooking, but it was tradition. And, it's a memory I'll forever preserve.

I remember well her stuffing. She made it with matzoh, which always felt like it was her secret ingredient. And, she had a "famous" pumpkin bread. My husband has since assumed the tradition of making it, and it means a great deal to me. He has taken certain creative liberties with it, and mixes up the types of chocolate chips used. Dark, milk and white. One year he even baked it with M&Ms, and my mom would have been proud to see him paying tribute to her in such a festive way.

Earlier this week, my husband baked a bunch of loaves...he brought one to work...and gave others to my dad, who is so grateful. My son helped by tossing the chips into the batter...munching on a few as he went along. He was so sweet, literally, to see them team up. It was as of my mom was looking down on them and smiling.

One of the challenges I face with the holidays is the emotional "stuff" it brings up for me due to the loss of my mom. And, on top of that, my sister and her family are away for Thanksgiving, and my husband's brother and his family made plans with friends, so I don't feel enveloped by those I grew up with, other than my dad. So, we'll have a low key celebration here with my father and Marc's mother (his dad passed away).

I have to admit, though, that I do get some pangs of jealousy when I hear of others having major family gatherings. I wonder what that is like. Do they take it for granted? Do they enjoy, or is it a chore to them? Does it feel special?

I don't have any cousins, aunts, etc. sadly, who I am close with. So, inviting extended family is not a viable or appealing option.

One of my friends said to me that I should work on creating new tradition. So, I reached out to one friend to see what they are doing for the holiday, and they, too, are going away. Others already have commitments, and I don't feel inclined to have just anyone over for the sake of it. It is a lot of work...all the setup, preparation, etc.

But, I do endeavor to get together with friends in the future for celebrations. I've always thought it would be so nice to be invited somewhere, but that doesn't often happen. My sister never makes a holiday (or birthday) meal (it's not her thing to have people over), and my brother and sister in law are often away with their three kids since they play sports. They have invited us for the Jewish holidays in the past.

So, I try to be strong, and not let all my sentimental "stuff" get the better of me this time of the year. It can be bittersweet, but I'm grateful to have my own family and to create memories for my son that he will always cherish, as I did growing up.

Do you find that the holidays open wounds for you? How do you deal with it? Do you endeavor to create new tradition for yourself and/or your family?

One of the things I love most about life is my ability to just be thankful and grateful for most everything, everyone and every experience I’m lucky enough to live… and then WITH some effort, every other single thing in life that may not seem so ‘yummy’ at first glance!

As today is America’s Day of Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for and I genuinely LOVE focusing on those things for which I am so grateful, my thoughts today are simply about that… Love and Thankfulness!

For the past two to three weeks, the topic of love has come to my attention, over and over again in many different ways: from the songs I find I’m singing when I first open my eyes in the morning, to thoughts of friends I love, my home, the crazy love affair I experience with nature every day, to the sky and the incredibly ever fascinating white clouds…

I find that no matter where I’m at or who I’m with, in short order, I’m smiling and gushing some form of love of this, or like of that and aren’t we lucky the sky is so blue… and for my personal day of Thanksgiving I thought it would be nice to share some of this gratitude life (how I live it) with you. It always starts with some simple ‘What I loves’… like:

What I love about waking up each day…

If there is one thing in the world I love… it is waking up in my most wonderful and fantastic bed… it’s not really anything super special… it’s just very peaceful and provides me with the best sleep I’ve ever had… EVER.

There is almost always a smile on my face and a song in my heart—typically a song of love for me, the world and others who ALL need love so desperately. From the moment I open my eyes, my thoughts wander to how I can extend this endless love that flows out of me to someone else… it is nearly incurable this feeling of wanting to literally ‘love on every person in the world’ one by one or millions by millions as the universe creates the way for me to do so! I LOVE waking up!

What I love about music…

Besides that music is what allows me to express my physical passion in dance (and oh how I LOVE to dance)… my other great love of music is how the words make me feel. Recently, some really old songs… from literally out of no where popped into my consciousness and I find myself singing them… singing wonderful songs of love, sharing love, helping people… the one I woke with today comes as no surprise…

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face

And show the world all the love in your heart

Then people gonna treat you better

You're gonna find, yes, you will

That you're beautiful as you feel

Waiting at the station with a workday wind a-blowing

I've got nothing to do but watch the passers-by

Mirrored in their faces I see frustration growing

And they don't see it showing, why do I?

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face

And show the world all the love in your heart

Then people gonna treat you better

You're gonna find, yes, you will

That you're beautiful as you feel

I have often asked myself the reason for sadness

In a world where tears are just a lullaby

If there's any answer, maybe love can end the madness

Maybe not, oh, but we can only try

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face

And show the world all the love in your heart

Then people gonna treat you better

You're gonna find, yes, you will

That you're beautiful as you feel

--Beautiful by Carole King

As my ability to be grateful and thankful for most everything and everyone abounds… the words of songs like this one have such special meaning for me!

As I go about the business of life, what I notice most is how the majority of people in the world just need a little love, a small kindness, an easy word of encouragement… and what do you get back for such small effort? People literally light up! They smile and you can SEE the change in their body language, a renewed zest for life shows on their face and a new pep in their step is obvious as they walk away. Ahhhhhhhhh…I LIVE my entire life for moments such as these, and they can happen anywhere with anyone at anytime from Walmart and the mall to any place you go or conduct business.

But HOW do YOU get there to begin this chain reaction of love into the world? "Come on Kelly, really, the economy is bad, life is changing, we are all filled with uncertainty, and wouldn’t it just be fake to pretend such joyfulness?" Yes, it would and while I think faking it could be one way to get there, I have a solution that is far easier and much more productive!

Just begin today while thankfulness and gratitude are already the order of the day and consciously on your mind.

TODAY, decide you will continue this one thing EVERY DAY for the rest of your life, and you’ll do it with simple easy steps such as:

When stuck in traffic, you will turn on your favorite songs and get so caught up in the music you love, you’ll not only forget the traffic jam… you’ll wish it was longer so you could hear the end of your favorite cd.

As you begin to look around, you’ll find small things to be thankful for everywhere, in everyone, in every situation… a sour teller at the bank might be someone you could jot a thankful note to on paper and leave as you depart (imagine how that feels?)… when things aren’t going your way, you could think of other times when things didn’t go the way you planned and they worked out EVEN BETTER… and then believe that this, too, will be that way!

It takes no more effort to choose to think and focus positively than it does your habitual ‘negative thought first’ patterns we’ve all learned and become accustomed to in life.

It simply takes practice.

Choosing to get up every single day with a smile on your face… planning (Yes… plan it out) that you are going to show the world all the love in your heart (no matter what they do or don’t do, say or don’t say). Yes, as the song says, 'people are gonna treat you better', but you know what? The song left out the most important part of all…

You are gonna treat YOU better! You are going to find that a consistent attitude of thankfulness and gratitude begins a seed of self-love inside you that no other love can equal. You are going to start seeing blessings where before you saw struggle, you are going to see love where you saw hate, you will see opportunity where you previously saw dissension, and in a very short period of time everything (YES EVERYTHING!) in your life is going to change--for the better!--right before your eyes!

How do I know this? I live it! Thanksgiving is THE pathway to true and lasting Inner Love and Peace. And that is what I truly wish for you and every other person I meet!

I guess it all boils down to this song I woke to a few days ago:

What the world needs now,

Is love, sweet love,

It's the only thing that there's just too little of.

What the world needs now,

Is love, sweet love,

No, not just for some but for everyone.

-Jackie DeShannon

People need inner self love, and they need love and understanding from other people, and ALL of it can easily be achieved by first starting with a mindset to live with gratitude and thankfulness moment by present moment!

As you may have guessed, my heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude this Thanksgiving Day for YOU, all the above, and much, much more!

Today I wish for YOU…

A day filled with gratitude,

a heart filled with joy,

a smile that brightens the world,

and all the love I can send your way!

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!

Kelly :-)

The Stuff of Athletes

For many years, I have had a head FULL of Stuff related to losing weight, body image, dieting, self-loathing, you name it. Not any longer.

When I was younger, I was that girl in gym class who always got picked last for every team. 20 minutes into class, there I'd be, me and some other awkward, visibly NOT athletic kid would be standing, silently praying to either get picked next (at least I wasn't picked last) or spontaneously burst into flames.

Flash forward 25 years and I have redefined myself as an athlete. In 2005, I began the year wanting to run a 10K, but secretly adding to my very own Bucket List that I wanted to run a marathon before I kicked it. By the end of the year, after hours of planning and many, many miles of running, I had run the Philadelphia Marathon in just under 5 and a half hours (no walking, no stopping - except once to hit the port-a-potty at around mile 12). That experience was a huge turning point. It was the point I got Beyond My Stuff around being overweight, or unattractive, or old, or a girl. It was the point I released all those limiting labels and became ... an "elite athlete.' (Seriously - that's what it said on my Marathon Certificate.)

Once I had the label, elite athlete, I didn't want to let go of it. I made the decison that every year, I would run the 10-mile Broad Street Run in the Spring and a half-marathon in the Fall. That's what brings me to where I am today, laying in bed, blogging about the fact that at approximately 9:30 this morning, in biting 25 degree winds, I was running across the finish line of the Philadelphia Half Marathon, in just under 2.5 hours. This was my goal, and it was 10 minutes faster than the first half-marathon I completed, three years ago.

Last night at the Expo, as I picked up my race packet (noting with a smirk that they still assume that of the two of us, my 6'2", 230 pound husband must be the one running the race), I walked with a little more strut in my Stuff, knowing that this is no longer a big deal for me, it is a tradition.

No matter what the scale says (and it happens to be pretty darn close to the 160s, I might add), I am an athlete. I fuel my body in a way that allows my body to function at maximum efficiency, and I strive to let go of excess fat so that I can perform better, not so that I'll turn an extra head or two (although I fully intend to do that, also). I order my race shirts in Medium, not Extra Large, because I'm now a regular-sized, fit, toned athlete.

People Stuff -- by Robin Gorman Newman

(My son Seth (the blond) and a good friend of his.)


I'm a bit embarassed to share this experience with you, yet feel compelled to do so.

I am an email junkie. I admit it. I spend many hours/day at my computer (for better or worse), and then have a Blackberry at my constant disposal during my travels.

Yesterday, in my haste, I accidentally hit the wrong email address key. I knew it immediately after I sent it. It's everyone's email nightmare. Something didn't feel right, so I checked my sent box....and sure enough. A note that was meant for my husband got sent to the very person I was writing about....and what I said wasn't the most flattering. What is the likelihood of that? Both their email addresses start with "m"...but still...I can only surmise it was meant to be to perhaps clear the air.

What I wrote wasn't awful...just awkward. It had to do with tickets to Disney on Ice that I was looking to offer moms in MotherhoodLater.com, but since there weren't any takers, I was contemplating offering them to friends in New York or New Jersey. I wrote to my husband asking his opinion about how to handle it and what friends I might offer it to. And, then I mentioned this particular person who is the mom of one of my son's close friends in Kindergarten. And, I wrote "not that she's the greatest friend."

Truth is...I wrote the truth. She isn't. I was being honest. But, did I want her to know I was thinking that? Did she need to read that?

So, I quickly called her up...she had actually coincidentally left a message earlier in the day re: my son's school, but I missed the call. Since she didn't answer her cell or home phone, I decided to respond further via email. I felt the need to nip the situation in the bud.

I wrote her a note offering her the Disney tickets and apologized for my reference in the email, explaining it was sent in error to her. But, then I also went on to say that in fact, I was disappointed and had hoped we could become real friends, but that I was let down when on more than one occasion she told us that she and her son were busy, yet she went on to make plans with other moms. I knew this because we ran into her at a couple of events, and another mutual mom of a child in my son's class mentioned that she had heard from her. This was hurtful to me.

We spoke briefly this morning and she said she wouldn't be taking the tickets, and she didn't reference the email. She is supposed to call me back later to see if a cousin of hers would like the tickets, and I'm curious to see if she will then bring up my comment. I'm not holding my breath.

This all got me thinking. On one hand I felt badly. On the other hand, I was happy for my candor with her.

A friend of mine at the gym, who I shared the situation with, said that when her kids were little, she didn't try to befriend moms on a personal level for herself. She pretty much kept it to scheduling playdates for her girls and being cordial to the moms.

This is hard for me. I'm not a superficial person, though I'm quickly realizing you can't be friends with everyone.

And, this further got me contemplating the notion of "people stuff."

It's so easy to clutter up your life with possessions, negative thoughts, etc...but what about people? There's only so many hours in the day to maintain real, meaningful relationships, and this holds true for both friends and family. I am totally open to attracting new cool people, but you have to make room.

In the last few months or more, a few friendships have diminished, and we're no longer in touch. It was hard to accept at first, but then I realized that as people grow and change, so does the law of attraction. It can be hard to let go, especially when there is history between you, but people's needs change. Schedules change. And, we can't always be there as we once were, and if someone isn't accepting of that, then the friendship might not really serve either of you anymore. Maybe someone was used to your playing a certain role for them...perhaps as an enabler...for example. And, what if it's now occurred to you that that was largely the basis of your connection, and you don't want to go there anymore? Then, it's understandable that you might have to let go. And, it could be for both of your ultimate gain, though at the moment, it might not feel that way.

I share all this because it takes courage to let go, and faith to know that new people will come into your life if you invite them. Maybe not immediately, but when they're meant to. And, this holds true whether for friends or romantic partners. (I work as a love coach for singles, so I know this has been the case for clients of mine.)

Have you had friends come 'n go in your life that you didn't expect? How did it feel to let them go, whether it was mutual or not?

Give your Family the Gift of Time

by Mary Gardner

This week I received an amazing gift. It made my heart happy and when I said thank you it was genuine and enthusiastic! The person who gave it to me quickly shared everything about the gift and was just as excited that she was able to give it to me!

What was it?

Not a “traditional” type of gift, but the best kind of gift for a mom who has had a child who is a bit high maintenance at school every day!

It was a note from my son’s Language Arts teacher who told me that my son had a really great day the day before, and was focused, attentive, quiet and read his work really well.

We both were ebullient when talking about the change in my son, and she suggested that whatever we had done that morning, was WORKING! It was a Monday morning that he had the great success and I explained to her that on Sunday, we didn’t do ANYTHING all day long. Jeremy never even got dressed and we just laid around the house all day long and built a fire in the fireplace, I cooked from sun up to sun down, had delicious aromas floating through the house, and my husband, me and Jeremy just enjoyed being at home, and relaxed like most of us never get to do. We watched a little TV, but just a movie at night, while my husband went to church for all of us. I felt it best to keep Jeremy home since the day before he went to the beach and crabbing with our friend Bruce and his two kids and came home very, very content, but had a scratchy voice, which because he loved the sound of it, he kept talking more and more and more!

Most of our week is scheduled down to the minute. I pick up Jeremy by bike from school at 3 in the afternoon, then we race home and have a snack and get his homework done. Then we ride our bikes to the YMCA and he has swim practice for an hour and I work out. Then we go home and I cook dinner, then we either do more homework or play a family game like dominos and then we do the bed time routine. That can take a while of course, because he always likes to get another snack and prolong it as much as possible!

When Friday comes, we don’t have swim practice, so we do “Fun Friday”, which means visit friends, go to Disney World, or hang out at the park with other families. Saturday is usually swim meet day, and chores, and then Sunday morning we go to Church and Jeremy has religious education. There aren’t many days where we do absolutely nothing and enjoy it.

Truth be told, I worked my tail off that day, cooking and cleaning and keeping the fire lit and doing laundry, but it was all at home and we weren’t on any schedule and I was able to make a beautiful, restful and peaceful home for my family. … the kind I always loved when I was a kid.

Little did I know how hard my parents were working to give me that amazing and so oh so needed rest!!

Having a “down” day was exactly what we all needed to give us that boost that we needed to start the week. When the body is tired, it doesn’t function well, and the better it’s rested, the more productive we can be.

Perhaps all of us now need to take a pause, and to readjust our schedules. Perhaps rather than running all of our side businesses, keeping up with the Jones, running here and there and everywhere to try to get it all done, perhaps we should all just take a rest every week and do nothing. Put on some classical music, light a fire in the fireplace or put on some candles to set the atmosphere, and break out the family games.

The rest and the comfort of doing nothing, will probably give you the extra strength to manage the stress that comes along whether you want it to or not, and will probably be exactly what you and your family needs, during this difficult and down economy.

Stuff happens...and usually for a reason!

Have you ever had the feeling, in the midst of getting some really bad news, that it's for the best? I don't mean that fake smile you give as the tears stream down your face, keeping a stiff upper lip as you say bravely, "No, no, it's fine...I'm sure something better will come along." I mean when you really know that something better is coming...know it so definitively that you aren't even upset by the devastating situation you find yourself in.


That's how I felt last week when I found out that my client wasn't renewing my contract next year. Is that strange? Is that crazy? It's not the first time it's happened.


Ten years ago, I was stunned when the leader of my band, the first band I'd ever been in, the only band I'd ever been in, the band that brought me to my future husband, casually announced he wouldn't be needing me anymore. Not only did this mean I wouldn't be singing anymore, it meant I wouldn't be spending time with my main squeeze - at shows, at rehearsals. N

ot to mention the fact that my ego was bruised beyond recognition (as it is now, I suppose). Even still, I so clearly remember resting my head against my husband's solid chest, my tears soaking a through the front of his flannel button-down, peering up at him through the tears and saying, "The thing that's so strange is that even though I'm crying, even though I'm so sad about this, I know something better is coming along."

A few months later, I was back in the band, subbing in for one of the singers who hadn't shown up. A few months after that, I was their only singer, singing four sets a night, and that same bandleader was calling me "A.I.," for Allen Iverson, the then Philadelphia basketball player known for making 50-plus points in a game, the one the team couldn't do without. A few months after that, when the bandleader quit dramatically, the band looked to me to lead them. And I did. Though I knew something great was in store, what I didn't know that cold winter night as I was sobbing on my future husband's shoulder, was that the same band from which I had been summarily dismissed would one day be mine to lead.


I have that same feeling now. That the Universe is opening up space in my life for something. Something phenomenal. Something beyond my wildest dreams. So, am I scared that I don't know what that is? Sure, I am. Am I scared that I don't have guaranteed income beyond next March? Darn skippy. But you know what? I'm excited, too. Because the Universe has never, EVER let me down before.

Confessions of a Control Craver

Having control, or at least the delusion of having it, has always felt important to me. It's part of my emotional "stuff." It makes me feel (falsely) secure, at least for the moment. I hang on to it like a trusted pair of my old weather-beaten clogs that I can't bear to part with. (OK...yes...I'm a "closet" clog collector.)

But, really who has control, and why do we need it?

This past week I felt so tested in that arena.

I was planning a trip and stressing out over getting the lowest airline fare I could find. Suddenly, overnight, the rates jumped up big time, and I couldn't shake the feeling of failure that came over me. I had missed the bargain boat, so to speak. Because I didn't jump on getting the tickets right away, the price had now surpassed what I was willing to pay. After beating myself up about it (I'm real good at that), a friend suggested I check another website for rates and explore other potential routes. I wound up getting even better flights than I had originally planned and learned a lot in the process. It still cost a bit more than the original fare, but ultimately, these flights were better choices and worth the additional money.

So, what was my takeaway from the situation?

Firstly, I learned that you want to check the airline websites directly and not just discount sites like Expedia, Orbitz, etc.

More importantly, for my life overall, I realized yet again how I need to surrender to the universe. Everything in life happens for a reason, even if we don't know why at the moment. And, while not everything seems good or justified, there is more going on behind the scenes than we are typically privvy to. I'm not saying we deserve all that happens to us, and there is a lot of suffering in the world, which I'll never fully grasp. But, there are forces around us at work, and it can take some time until we see the bigger picture.

Part of this is learning to let go.

I blogged previously about our nanny...but feel compelled to bring it up again. We had a nanny for over four years who left two weeks ago. It wasn't planned. But, it was some time in the coming, and the time just became now. Things weren't clicking anymore with her and my son. She was fabulous when he was a baby, but now, as a five year old, he is a challenge in a different way. And, it was beyond her capacity to cope with him.

Unfortunately, it ended in more of a drama than I ever would have anticipated. I always thought that somehow we'd stay friends. But, that's sadly not likely to be the case.

So, things feel different around here. We're all adjusting. My son, who can't really express it, has been having nightmares and being more needy than usual. I sensed that deep down he was struggling with the situation. It is a loss for him...and a big one. Almost like a death.

So, we've been reassuring him that mommy and daddy aren't going anywhere, to try and help him regain his sense of security.

I, too, am now taking on more tasks in the home, in addition to feeling like I'm now racing the clock until he gets home from school.

I know I can rise to the occasion, but I've been doing it a bit kicking 'n screaming (not literally). Fighting the responsibility on one hand, yet being proud of myself for moving on and not looking back.

Ultimately, I know we'll all be better for it. We're going to put my son in an after school program for a couple of days, which we think he'll love. And, this will buy me more time to work until he gets home.

Sometimes things have to feel a little "odd" or out of our comfort zone, but from it comes growth in ways we might not anticipate.

Friends are way better than Stuff! by Mary Gardner

At Beyond The Stuff we’ve all made a commitment to take certain days to blog. Yesterday was my day.

I missed it.

I did try. I sat down and started to write. But all I could come up with was this:

“God help me. God help me. God help me”.

Why? Well, because I live with a son who has been diagnosed on the Autism spectrum. And when we are feeding him 100% organic, no preservatives, limited dairy, glutten, wheat, and he takes all of his 12 vitamins a day and is on NO sugar, and exercises every day, we live a relatively normal life.

When we have Halloween and I cave to his thousands of requests for pop tarts and other sugar infested crap, our life takes a nose dive…. like it did recently.

The stress can get so bad because my son can’t sit for more than a minute at a time. I can’t get him to eat, I can’t get him to get dressed and my beautiful, funny and charming son has his own agenda, and mommy and dad often lose their cool.

Luckily, we understand that ALL parents need breaks, but especially those with challenging situations… and I had off last week, so I gave my husband a few days “off” where he got to stay with my parents to just relax and focus on whatever he wanted to.

Today is a different story. Things have gotten better. The sugar is coming out of his system and the exercise and the low stress/stimulation in our home is working. And most importantly, God did help me. And how did He help me? By sending amazing people my way to support me.. in so many ways. But here is an example of complete amazing support…


“I've been on set the past couple of days but just wanted to send you some strength and positive energy. I can't relate to what you're going through, but I do sense in you a unique resolve to handle even the most challenging circumstances. Sending you my best. Peace”,

“Hi Mary; Sorry you're having a rough time. . I can imagine that it must be very hard for you. (It makes raising my 3 teenage boys seem e-z.) If you want to talk on the phone, please let me know. Hang in there.”

“I'm right there with you, Mary.Here's praying the help continues to come showering down upon you!!!”

“I am sorry that you are having such struggles in your life right now -- butI know that if God is with you, you will overcome whatever life throws at you. "With God nothing is impossible." You and I both know that, but sometimes it takes a lot to really know and trust it. The hard part is applying it to our lives, to put it into action. May I offer one thought? You are not failing at life right now...you are succeeding at standing while the tempest of life swirls around you. Having the ability just to stand, in the midst of the storm, is a very courageous thing to do. And, even more courageous because your child depends on you to do so. Actually, I am moved and impressed at the way you are standing. So,not a failure at all. "Be still and know that I am God," is the requirement of the day.

“Mare, hang in there, you’re doing great things and you’re helping so many of us parents know that there are others out there who understand so thank you”.

“Mary, please feel free to use our mountain house anytime you guys want to get away”


So you can imagine how great I feel today. In addition, my son’s teachers have been extra helpful and understanding with us being late, and with me bringing shoes and socks because he couldn’t put them on without freaking out this morning, and to top it all off, my darling, sweet mom came and cleaned my house yesterday.

These are the things that are important to a person who are dealing with a chronic disability or going through a tough time.

Here are the things that have helped me:
1. Just a kind word that I’m doing the right thing
2. Extra prayer support – and they really do it.. don’t just say it!
3. Words of wisdom and understanding… or just told me to SHARE and VENT.
4. Help with my HOUSE
5. Help with my child- mom did homework with him… WHAT a relief! (And another family offered to take our son for a weekend… which was so generous… and VERY tempting!)
6. Gave my husband and I an opportunity to get away.. as a family or as a couple
7. Bought me lunch – and gave me an opportunity to just get OUT and feel NORMAL.


Were any of these expensive? Nope! They took time, and effort but not a lot of money.. the most was lunch….. and that was about $10 and can I tell you how grateful I was!? Immensely!

So today I sit here thankful, that I have friends and associates who are really, really good human beings. They took a minute out of their day to share their warmth with me and support.. and it has been amazing.

So now, because I’m so grateful, I have ½ hour and I’m going to send notes to people who I know that I can support.. and tell them that I am praying for them.. and that I care for them.

I saw this poem lately that also gave me strength:

Happiness keeps you sweet.
Trials keep you strong.
Sorrows keep you human.
Failures keep you humble.
Success keeps you glowing.
But only God keeps you going!

And God provides us friends! Thank you everyone! You got me through.

Change is 'What Is'!

Today, I’m sharing a few specific concepts which may help you better understand and interpret your own life circumstances while helping you develop the opportunity to see these things with new and different perspectives. Perspectives that will help you and your future immensely!

For now, I want to focus on how the very circumstances you are living through may be just a normal part of life experience and change. You may be thinking, “What??? Kelly, you just don’t understand my financial situation here! I have a major illness; my house is going into foreclosure; I’m losing money in the stock market; I just lost a million dollars. How could you ever think that THIS is normal?”

As I am in the same economic market as everyone else and have also lived through many terminal illness and death situations, I often experienced those same feelings and thoughts… until recently when something became abundantly clear and it all started with a conversation about butterflies…

Have you ever watched a caterpillar go from what it is to the beautiful butterfly it becomes? Have you ever seen one FIGHT or ARGUE with the process? If they did, from an outside perspective it would be easy to understand where they were coming from, as it just doesn’t look all that pleasant.

First, it hangs upside down (by its last legs, no less) while it’s outer skin splits to expel the newly forming chrysalis. If that wasn’t bad enough… in a very short period of time the original outer part of what the caterpillar was simply ‘falls away’.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
-Richard Bach

It takes 7 days (which might seem like an eternity to a butterfly) in typical summer weather and then a beautiful butterfly again has a choice to make the effort and come out of its cozy chrysalis. This too, is an interesting point in the process because many chrysalises are beautiful and after 7 days a monarch butterfly ‘in the making’ could get really comfortable in its beautiful smooth, jade colored ‘home’.

Even when the butterfly makes the choice at the appointed time to come out of the ‘change’ and metamorphosis it has experienced, another change must be embraced so it can become all it was meant to be: it has to wait while the newly formed veins in its wings are inflated, allowing time for them to dry and harden so flight is actually possible and safe for the newly formed butterfly

But what does all this have to do with you, our economy, the bailout saga, and the changes, and upsets that daily bombard us in life or on the news? Well, just about everything if you consider how all of life (everything in the universe, really) is so very similar. Indeed, whether a butterfly in metamorphosis or a human living in the now… Change is ‘What Is’. Truly,

If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies!

Have you ever watched butterflies for any length of time? Have you noticed what they spend most of their day doing?

It may surprise you to learn that the life of a butterfly is very, very similar to every single thing you’ve ever asked life to give you, if you had all the money you wanted, the job of your dreams, and the living space of your choice.

Think about it! After surrendering to change and metamorphosis, butterflies fly around, seeing every beautiful thing they want to see (wild and interesting adventures); they flutter from place to place (viewing beautiful sights and sounds), picking their favorite flowers to feed on (there is always an abundance of beautiful food to eat). In essence, they joyfully do what butterflies do, with extraordinary ease (read: no struggle). They live in the natural flow of nature and grace everyone with their elegance and beauty.

Isn’t that what you really want? Isn’t that what you ask for deep in your heart when you think of your grandest desires? Don’t you want your life to simply flow peacefully, with all you need placed abundantly around for your choosing everyday when you open your eyes? Isn’t that the exact description of what everyone wants; all the abundance and freedom given to a butterfly?

The million dollar question is: “Are you willing to go through the metamorphosis process—rather than clinging to what’s known of your normal everyday life as a caterpillar?”

Ask yourself honestly: “Do I have enough faith, when I can’t yet see the final outcome, to trust that the ‘chrysalis stage of life’ will take me from caterpillar to butterfly intact? Do I fully understand how I can choose my own thoughts as the transformation takes place so I can actually feel good and maybe even accept the process?”

Will you willingly choose to embrace the changes of life with an open mind asking what it is you are to do next and how can you benefit from this new and latest life experience? Do you think a caterpillar (as the only existence it’s ever known disappears forever), hangs around trying to fight the natural flow of becoming all and who they were meant to be?

The point is…

Framing your doubts with better perspectives while life change is taking place, requires ‘Willingness’.


Willingness to go through the motions of life withholding ‘any judgment’ until the entire process is complete. Willingness to accept and embrace the concept that “where you are, is where you are---and that’s okay because where you are, IS where you are and it’s okay because it’s WHERE YOU ARE.” This is absolute acceptance of what is, and when you really think about that, is there any other choice in life than to 'accept what is'?

The good news is there are examples to follow all around you, and they are probably the very people who drive you nuts! You know, the Pollyanna types who make it all look so easy! It’s not that they don’t experience metamorphosis; everyone does at some point or another in life. It is more about how they understand and then accept the true nature of all life. How they understand the process and through present moment thinking, allow what is, to be what is without objection (in other words, they accept what is while focusing on what they want with a detached mindset).

As we are always free to focus or think in any way we please, others make a different choice and choose to fight change every step of the way with doubt, stress and negativity… simply because they are not yet aware of or able to practice the art of allowing through detachment---and it does take practice!.

I think it takes great bravery and a lot of courage for a Caterpillar to willingly choose to embrace change and become a Butterfly, and it may require the same from you and me.

Choose to focus on the outcome you want while remaining in acceptance of what is (as best you can)! Choose to envision how it will feel when the metamorphosis is complete and you are fluttering around living the life you were meant to live…

Finding great perspectives about the journey we call life, expressing your willingness to change, and embracing what comes your way all the while focusing your intentions on what you want, can be wildly joyful—the choice is up to you! And what you think and feel is too!

Joyful in the Journey...

Kelly K. Brown

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad STUFF?

I am, that's who.

For years, I have been holding on to stuff - papers, computer cords, clothes, photos. All because of fear. So, what am I afraid of?

...that I might get asked to prove that I paid that contractor back in 2006?

...that I might need that cord that came with the MP3 player that died a year after I bought it on eBay?

...that if one day I do actually get my butt down to the size it was before I had children I'll regret that I gave away all my skinny jeans (which, by the way, were barely in style when I fit them)?

Two months ago, a dear friend of mine told me that now that her children were in school full-time and she could be more than a Stay At Home Mom (which in my opinion, is one of the hardest and most worthwhile jobs anyone can ever have), she wanted to be a Personal Organizer. Having just started my business earlier this year, I was eager to coach her through the process of getting started. She was happy to barter services and organize me. (In the end, I insisted on paying her because I am a far too extensive project to be organized for free, quite frankly. She offered, but if I'd taken her up on that offer, I fear she would have organized herself right out of my Rolodex, if you catch my drift.)

My friend and I both got a little nervous, I think, the first time she presented me with a huge pile of STUFF. It was all the CDs she'd come across that were duplicates or lacked cases or were cases with no CDs or what have you. Enter, the Stuff Monster, growling and grumbling:

Well, you can't throw this CD case away. What if you find the CD?

And you certainly can't throw this CD away. What if you find the case?

You can't throw this dupe CD away. What if you want to listen to it in my car? Wouldn't it make sense to have an extra copy?

And on and on and on. Left to my own devices and in the care of the Stuff Monster, I would find myself sitting on the floor of my library, reading the papers, strolling down memory lane, lost in the memories, getting nothing done. When those questions start rattling around my brain, I get paralyzed with fear, distracted from what's real in my life. The stuff that matters. Every hour I spend rifling through papers looking for a warranty because my files are overflowing with unnecessary user guides for gadgets I can't even find and certainly don't use is one I could spend reading a book to my children. Every minute I spend pulling out game after game because none of them have all the pieces is a minute we could spend playing together. Every minute I spend searching for a CD could be spent dancing in the living room.

I want to spend my time living and enjoying my life, not searching for it.

So today, I'm so grateful that I have someone, someone outside of my life, someone objective who loves and cares about me, who can gently guide me through the process of organizing my stuff. Figuring out what I need (KEEP), what someone else could use more than me (DONATE), and what really is no longer of use to anyone (TOSS).

That's what we hope to do on our show each week, I think. Help each other sift through the Stuff in our lives. Help each other stop being so afraid to look at it we're paralyzed, and just categorize it - stuff we need, stuff we can give back to who it really belongs to, and stuff we can let go of. That could be a thing, like all the stuff in our homes, or it could be a feeling, fear or resentment. But together, we can help each other (and those who listen to us) get Beyond the Stuff and get on with LIFE!

Lots of love,

Liimu

Purge City.....here we come!

The universe is sending me a message. I get it and choose to accept. It is saying Purge!

This is me pictured, with my book, at Canyon Ranch Tucson. I wrote about my amazing experience there in my introductory blog.

But, what I didn't share is that during my time away from home, we had a power outage lasting almost 48 hours, and my husband had to throw out much of the food in the frig.

Then, just three days after returning from Tucson, our nanny of 4+ years wound up leaving after a bit of a heated discussion. Truth is...it had been long coming, and it just reached a point of no return. She lost it. I lost it. And, then it was over. But, really I gained (and I believe she ultimately will too...since it wasn't a good fit anymore for her).

I had anticipated being in complete culture shock from it this whole week. And, while I was certainly highly disturbed about it all last weekend, I managed better than I expected and welcomed the return of privacy in the house. I hadn't realized how much I missed that, and how much more positive the energy is here now. Things had been feeling quite negative since there was tension in our home and frustration on my part and our nanny's. To me, it was palpable. Essentially, there was a mutual discontent, so this is for the best in the long run. We had planned to let her go in January anyway since in February we are gutting our entire basement to make it a better living and play area.

I'm totally psyched about what the basement will become, yet completely overwhelmed at the notion of having to clean out all that is currently there. And, believe me, there is a ton of STUFF. Some of which we'll keep and other things will be discarded or donated.

Here comes that word again....stuff! I'm surrounded by it. Yet, the powers that be are pushing me more and more to get rid of it. Whether it be food. Negative energy. People who I am no longer in sync with. Clutter. etc.

And, what I know for sure is that until I (we) purge, there won't be ample room for all the good that can come. We need to invite it into our lives.

I'm so grateful to have connected with the Beyond the Stuff gals, and I want to keep myself open to enjoying their friendship and the pursuit of our business endeavors together. I'm making more 'n more room.

I'm not someone who lets go easily, so all this purging is far from a natural course of action for me. But, I'm more capable than I think. Just judging from how I've managed this week, sans nanny, so much is possible, as long as we don't get caught up in our own self-defeating thoughts. It's easy to talk yourself out of something or make yourself feel less than adequate. I'm generally a positive person, but I have my moments of feeling overwhelmed.

So, I hope you'll take the plunge and consider joining me on the purging bandwagon. We'll both be all the happier for it!

A Formula For Success?

As you get to know each of us better and better here at Beyond the Stuff, one of the things you will discover about me is how much I love to travel! This is a picture of my visit to China late last year!

An incredible trip, it was both enjoyable and an eye opening experience for me as I learned quite a bit about Chinese history, their culture and experienced many of their beautiful scenic nature spots (Yellow Mountain comes to mind!). I even was able to try some of their interesting food choices!

Everywhere we went, the Chinese people were extremely friendly and accepting of our entire group. Quite often they would ask us to pose for pictures, with them, their children and their families... I often felt just like a movie star... This picture is one example of my Adventures in China!

I was moved from tears…

to actual sobs on occasion as I watched the very end of Oprah’s Post Election Show when BeBe Winans, CeCe Winans, Wynonna Judd and Vince Gill performed the song "We Need Each Other Right Now."

Throughout the entire election process, I have seldom spoke of who I was voting for or what I thought about much of any of it as most often I was simply overwhelmed by the negativity of the words and actions of human beings. I was frustrated when two of America’s supposed ‘finest’ stated something (almost anything really) to which the other would immediately say ‘that simply isn’t true’, and then watch the exact same thing in reverse.

I looked on as both sides used negativity, fear and other less than positive strategies and tactics to prove their point, state their opinions hoping to sway voters this way or that. And mostly I just refused to watch it or take part in any conversation about it as my spirit just doesn’t live there anymore. Siiiiiiiiiiigh…

But now that the election is over, now that the races are won or lost and with my ability to be open to both candidates in many ways for varying reasons… I was curious to see how people were reacting to this once-in-a-lifetime, truly historical election, so I tuned in to watch Oprah's special.

Being the gracious receiver of the election results and the will of the majority, I loved McCain’s heartfelt concession speech, offering to assist and help President Elect Obama in any way he can. I also loved Obama’s acceptance speech that was so warm and uniting toward a country that voted at an almost even split. I loved his ‘I may not have earned your vote, but I’ve heard your voice” sentiment directed to McCain supporters.

And for a brief moment I began to wonder of both candidates…

“Where were these words, these feelings, these united we stand, divided we fall speeches during the past 2 years?”

I do not blame either candidate specifically or individually as this is the way US politics have been for as long as I can remember, even within the individual parties (i.e. Hillary vs. Obama) just a few short months ago.

So… why the tears today?

Truthfully, it was the release of some incredible pent-up feelings of SADNESS combined with RELIEF and LOVE flowing out of my core being all at once! My innermost self was literally crying out that it was ‘tired’ of feeling like it had been ‘holding its breath’ while waiting as so much negativity flew around this country for sooooo long. And the love flowed because I sense just how torn some people still are depending on which side of the fence they were on. (I often sense and feel the ‘emotional stuff’ in others around me. )

Whether you followed the election closely or not, anywhere you ventured to go or with most anyone you engaged in conversation, its likely they had a strong point of view—which when informed, is truly valuable and a great thing indeed!

Unfortunately, many also had some negative and harsh comment or tirade to say or yell about the other candidate or the opposing party. Daily my email box was filled with something negative about this one or that one or their running mate. Even television shows both fiction and reality joined, embraced and rather ‘enjoyed’ this horrible display of ugly human behavior. And many Americans… laughed.

What makes a nation as vast and great as ours collectively agree that this type of campaigning is ‘normal’ or good? Because its successful? Because it works?

That may be so and regardless, I continue to agree with Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth, as he discusses how this behavior on any level implies that 'success' of this type is being viewed ONLY as a future event where the ends justify the means. i.e. Negative and abusive campaigning is ‘okay’ because in the end we may win through the use of it!

In other words, you may have finished the project, won the election or achieved your goal; but at what cost?

When negativity, anxiety or stress reign in any endeavor, Eckhart states the reality of what is…

“You spent two years polluting your body as well as the earth with negative energy, made yourself and those around you miserable, and affected many others you never even met.”

My belief? True and genuine success is achieved only through small and measurable ‘successful present moments’. Successful moments of full awareness, where our deeds and our time are spent in truth, integrity, and experienced solely through the foundations of love. Something I did not see through nearly 2 years of our nation’s campaigning.

So today, as I listened to this wonderful song, “We Need Each Other Right Now”, presented by Oprah to begin reuniting a country torn apart by its very own 'formula for success', at long last I breathed… and then I cried as I let out ALL the heartfelt sadness I’ve been feeling and sensing in my inner being as this election on many levels (in my opinion) reached new heights of LOW…

No matter how the 2008 election turned out, it was destined to be a new moment in history, and this indeed was an incredible, historical election in many ways. I celebrate all the hopes and dreams of those who have waited and envisioned this day for so long.

I now also, quite joyfully, add my own hopes and dreams that in these next 4 years on the winds of such an incredible, historical event, that one of the changes I will get to see and experience will be a healthy, new and more positive way to campaign for the highest office our country holds dear!

And what an incredible moment that will be…

Kelly K. Brown
‘Being’… Beyond the Stuff

Living Without The Stuff......

I was in shock!!!

It changed my life!

I couldn’t believe it but then decided that it was just the way it was supposed to be from about a minute after I discovered it.

I walked in the bathroom to find my blackberry in the sink. Okay, not really. It was in the toilet! It fell out of my jeans when I sat down I guess!

How appropriate. I bet my husband was praying that’s where it would end up!

It was one day after I had called AT&T to get a new blackberry which was still under warranty and a new one was on the way. Only now, I couldn’t send the old one back, because now it had water damage.

What was I going to do? It was my life and connection to the outside world! I lived by email, texting and calling. And now?

Let me share!

I’ve been cooking!!! I’ve made beef stew and served 3 meals including lunch for my parents and dinner and lunch for my husband and me.

I made manicotti, which I served last night and have 2 more meals frozen.

I made a pork, pineapple, green pepper with brown sweet gravy which is delicious and will be served over rice tonight.

I made mini mushroom sandwiches which were browned in butter and brown sauce with provolone cheese!


What else? I’ve been cleaning!

I cleaned out and washed and got out my winter clothes which we only wear for about a month here in Florida… but I’m ready!

I’ve been making fires in the fireplace!

My son and I have had a blast using our fireplace for the first time in 2 years and figuring out what burns best and finding paper in the house that will start the logs on fire.

I’m learning how to use my camera!

I’ve been reading up on my new camera and learning how to post pictures and videos from it. Sounds easy but I just haven’t taken the time.. was probably too busy texting! (This is a pic of my son at swim practice.. since this is a big part of our life... I wanted to share it!)

What else.... ?
I’ve also been reading!

I read LEFT TO TELL, about the Rwandan woman who survived the Holocaust and have been reading cookbooks for recipes. I also have 2 other books lined up.

I even went to the library to get the books!

What I have in my head now is stuff like “how can I make my yard nicer” and “what can I make to eat for my family when I’m out of town starting tomorrow” I’m also thinking about clients and writing and my TV project/show.

I can’t say I don’t miss my blackberry and having the ability to be in silly conversations with friends who also are addicted to their blackberries, but I can say that I am getting a lot more done, and I do feel like I’m learning something different now, about a love for cooking that I had no idea was there! It just feels so good to me to actually create something that people enjoy and that I can create an atmosphere of a home where people can relax and enjoy some good food and wine!

I’m learning that without some of the stuff that I was doing before like relying on my blackberry for the connection to friends, that now I can focus more on my home to create a warm and loving home environment for my family. I thought I was doing that before, but now, I know I’m doing it!

And then there were five...

I guess I'm the baby in the group - at 38 and with three small children, 2, 4, and 6, I find myself most frequently amazed that I am able to continue to get Beyond the Stuff to what matters in my life. With three small children, a thriving marriage, a new business and an active Recovery life (where I sponsor people and rely on a Sponsor for direction in my life), I barely have time to THINK about Stuff, let alone get caught up in it. And yet, I find the time.

But back to me. I guess my defining moment occurred when I was about to turn 25 years old and graduate from college with a degree in English. I was a bit of a party girl (and had been for more than ten years) but didn't realize that I also had a genetic predisposition for having a mental breakdown. The combination of the supreme level of stress I generally operate under and the recreational drug use I was engaging in on a somewhat regular basis was (as a medical professional has since explained it) akin to my head being a ticking time bomb that I was shaking up vigorously on a nearly daily basis. Eventually it blew, and I ended up in the campus nuthouse for more than a month, followed by another month in rehab. I had no money, and no insurance, so I ended up in a state-run program with mostly folks who had been sent there right from jail. For the first year I was out, I stayed on the straight and narrow for no other reason than that I was afraid to end up back in that Hell hole (the very same Hell hole that saved my life, I might affectionately add).

Recovery changed my life. It absolutely changed everything for me. I went from a lost, confused, wandering soul with tons of potential to a lump of moldable clay overnight. It was very uncomfortable at first, just being a shapeless lump of clay. But as my relationship with my Higher Power developed and as I began to listen to and follow the direction of people in the Program, my life and I began to take shape. I learned how to discern my Path and how to follow it. And then things really began to get interesting.

I met my husband, Glen, in 1998 when I auditioned to be a lead singer for a wedding band (I thought I was going to find a spot to do karaoke - who knew I would be signing up for a real band gig!?!). Glen was the guitar player and he didn't pay me any attention for the first 6 months. But over time, we got to know each other and realized that we had the same goofy sense of humor and that we really complemented each other - he was straight where I was curvy, and I dreamed big while he kept me firmly grounded in reality.

We now live in a suburb of Philadelphia and have three daughters - 2, 4 and 6. (We have been married for 7 years. You do the math.) Our life is relatively Americana, but as I said, Glen is the anchor and the rock that gives me the strength to take chances and mix things up. Back in 2005 before getting pregnant with our third daughter, I decided I wanted to take up running. At the end of that year, I found myself running a marathon. (In 5 hrs 25 minutes, I might add - take THAT, Katie Holmes!)

Following that experience, I was desperate to continue running and to share my experience with other moms who might be struggling to reclaim their sense of themselves and even to have the courage to redefine themselves as athletes. I decided to join a Moms group for runners and came across Moms in Motion, but they didn't have a Philadelphia chapter. Since 2006, I have been the Team Leader of the Philadelphia chapter of Moms in Motion. We do some pretty cool stuff, including philanthropic work in support of causes like Mommy's Light, an organization that helps children who have lost their moms continue the traditions they shared. Of course we also race in events like the Race for the Cure, raising funds for breast cancer research. In addition, we have some really cool speakers, like Kristen Dandar Hallowell, who came and showed us strength training exercises we can do on the playground while our kids are playing, or Susan Sabin, who showed us how to teach our kids to meditate and how to meditate ourselves.

I'm probably most well known (and certainly most recently known) for my performance last year on the NBC hit "Clash of the Choirs," as a featured soloist in Patti Labelle's "Boom Boom" Choir. (Click here to view the video.) This continues to be one of the most incredible gifts of leading an open, God-directed life. Just last weekend, I was blessed to have been asked to sing with the choir and Miss Patti on her Christmas special, and was even asked to solo again on one of her Christmas songs (we all were). I'll be sure to post that video when it comes out.

Anyway, that's me. I have an interesting and full life. I didn't even get to really talk about what I do for a living. So funny, because in our culture that's usually the first thing anyone talks about when they are asked to introduce themselves. I have a great career. I own my own successful and lucrative training design and development company. I am very happy and hope that my clients are, as well. But I'm even happier to say that what I do is not who I am. Truth is, I'm figuring that one out with each passing day and all I can tell you is that it keeps getting better.

So be sure to stay tuned.

Exciting things happen...Beyond the Stuff.