(that's me on the far right)Who have I become? And, who do I yearn to be today and tomorrow?
I had a "telling" experience this week.
I got into a conversation with my trainer at the gym re: looks...and somehow it came up how I used to look. My body.... etc. Partly since I aspire to lose weight. I have steadily gained since marriage (I admit it), and I'm not happy about it. My mom, may she rest in peace, was overweight much of her married life, and I fight against following that same path. I feel like it's not too late to change that. Does it have to be my destiny too?
I brought an old photo album into the gym, and my trainer went wild. She said I had a smokin' bod and proceeded to show the photos to a couple of the men training at the gym. I then flipped over one of the photos that they in particular were lusting after, to see the date on the back and discover that I was 14 in that shot.
I was wearing a cool halter top, with tight, short black shorts, and standing in such a way that I had confidence about my looks. Did I? I wondered. Or did it just look that way from my stance?
To be honest...and most people who know me well...will know that I've never felt truly confident in the looks department. Is it possible that I did when I was 14 and things changed? Or did it just appear that way in the photo but wasn't really true?
What does it take to think you look pretty? How come I stuggle to perceive myself that way? I'd like to see myself through someone else's eyes, in a positive sense.
When someone says that to me, I don't fully grasp or believe it.
How do celebrities walk the red carpet and flaunt it with flair? I can't for a second imagine that...but it sure would be fun!
How can I achieve that?
Is it possible to bottle physical self confidence? I know it's an inner job. But, for me, easier said than done.
On other levels, I do feel confident....mostly professionally.
On a personal level, I think I've often doubted myself.
For example -- My ability to take on responsibility. (I do it...but fight it.)
My ability to practice self care. (I know how to meditate, but don't often do it. I do hit the gym, but not often enough. I do take supplements, but sometimes get tired of the regine.)
I know I'm hard on myself. I have that level of awareness, but I also have high expectations. The on-going achiever. How do I do so much? people ask.
But, at the end of the day, isn't it about happiness? How did you spend your time? Was there pleasure in your day?
I went to a meditation session and talk last night in my town. The subject was healing. The speaker has us form small groups and write our answers to various questions. The final question had to do with...what would it take for us to feel the way we'd like? What one thing could we do the next morning to bring that into our lives?
It left me thinking about the choices we make and how we do spend our time on a daily basis.
What did I think life would be when I was 14? What were my aspirations? What made me happy? What made me sad?
I wish I could for a moment, revisit that time in my life, and gain some insight. I'd be really curious to know what 14 year old Robin was thinking.
I had a "telling" experience this week.
I got into a conversation with my trainer at the gym re: looks...and somehow it came up how I used to look. My body.... etc. Partly since I aspire to lose weight. I have steadily gained since marriage (I admit it), and I'm not happy about it. My mom, may she rest in peace, was overweight much of her married life, and I fight against following that same path. I feel like it's not too late to change that. Does it have to be my destiny too?
I brought an old photo album into the gym, and my trainer went wild. She said I had a smokin' bod and proceeded to show the photos to a couple of the men training at the gym. I then flipped over one of the photos that they in particular were lusting after, to see the date on the back and discover that I was 14 in that shot.
I was wearing a cool halter top, with tight, short black shorts, and standing in such a way that I had confidence about my looks. Did I? I wondered. Or did it just look that way from my stance?
To be honest...and most people who know me well...will know that I've never felt truly confident in the looks department. Is it possible that I did when I was 14 and things changed? Or did it just appear that way in the photo but wasn't really true?
What does it take to think you look pretty? How come I stuggle to perceive myself that way? I'd like to see myself through someone else's eyes, in a positive sense.
When someone says that to me, I don't fully grasp or believe it.
How do celebrities walk the red carpet and flaunt it with flair? I can't for a second imagine that...but it sure would be fun!
How can I achieve that?
Is it possible to bottle physical self confidence? I know it's an inner job. But, for me, easier said than done.
On other levels, I do feel confident....mostly professionally.
On a personal level, I think I've often doubted myself.
For example -- My ability to take on responsibility. (I do it...but fight it.)
My ability to practice self care. (I know how to meditate, but don't often do it. I do hit the gym, but not often enough. I do take supplements, but sometimes get tired of the regine.)
I know I'm hard on myself. I have that level of awareness, but I also have high expectations. The on-going achiever. How do I do so much? people ask.
But, at the end of the day, isn't it about happiness? How did you spend your time? Was there pleasure in your day?
I went to a meditation session and talk last night in my town. The subject was healing. The speaker has us form small groups and write our answers to various questions. The final question had to do with...what would it take for us to feel the way we'd like? What one thing could we do the next morning to bring that into our lives?
It left me thinking about the choices we make and how we do spend our time on a daily basis.
What did I think life would be when I was 14? What were my aspirations? What made me happy? What made me sad?
I wish I could for a moment, revisit that time in my life, and gain some insight. I'd be really curious to know what 14 year old Robin was thinking.
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